falling apart + fergie germ

some things are straight up falling apart. 

(1) there's a wildfire nearby that's been smoking me out. I woke up 3am to the smell of smoke and had to close the bedroom window. 

(2) the batteries in my smoke detector went out and the chirp was so loud and so frequent that i basically had a meltdown. i was trying to remove it from the wall to change batteries and i couldn't get it down. and it was so loud

(3) before that i'd already been uncomfortable all day. for some reason my bra felt like hell for the entire day today. 

(4) there is a plumbing issue in my bathroom so the pipes now make a continual high-pitched sound that's getting worse. a plumber has been called. 

(5) there are so many bugs in my house right now in a way that's not ok. an earwig crawled up onto my dog and she was so disturbed. 

(6) rats are eating my apples.

This weekend we will be cleaning the house. and making things less...apart. 

we need to replace the water filter in the fridge, the air filter for our house fan. (The batteries for the smoke detector were replaced today 🙏 my husband is the best) i need to clean basically everything everywhere. 

In addition to GLITZER GLITZER by Ikkimel & Barré that has My Humps vibes, DTB by badmómzjay has Fergalicious vibes/inspo. So now I have a playlist called Fergie Germ of German BEP- or Fergie-inspired songs. 

After i made the playlist i also heard Sie Mag Es which isn't so directly inspired by BEP, but it does say "Humps so wie Fergie" but it is much more of a 50 cent In da Club inspo.

video editing + tiny chum

i've been editing a youtube video the last couple days. 

for the first time in at least a couple years, i didn't post a video every week. But I think it's good for me. I've been learning who i am, really, quite a lot this year. And I think some time to myself is important for that 

some of the video is about reading fanfic, some about archiving some of my previous creative works, some about my neocities site & some about this blog and other blogs i've been reading. 

i've been wanting to have some phone charms recently & i was looking at some and i was thinking about getting a hello kitty phone charm (because I love her so much). at my local CVS, every single holiday they have a front table with holiday items and every time there's some amazing Hello Kitty holiday item. I have a giant inflatable hello kitty pumpkin for Halloween and I have a medium-to-large stuffed Valentines Hello Kitty. 4th of July Hello Kitty was also fabulous. 

I ended up getting a little bug charm and also a cowboy Hello Kitty. 

But all of this led to my husband and i taking some sanrio quizes. 

FIRST QUIZ

for the first quiz, I got Kuromi and my husband got Cinnamoroll. 

SECOND QUIZ

the second quiz was much more involved (100 questions) and my husband got Tiny Chum. 
I took this today and I got Wish Me Mell. 

My husband then took a third quiz 

THE THIRD QUIZ

and it was what Sanrio character is your soulmate. ...and he got Wish Me Mell. (✿◡‿◡)

we shall not speak of what i got... because it was not Tiny Chum and my romantic heart cannot take that. I do not even know if Tiny Chum was a possible result, because the quiz was very short. 

my husband thought that Wish Me Mell was very cute, especially the description of her, and I thought Tiny Chum was very cute, especially the description of him.

dmv + paintings

 i woke up to two very lovely comments on my newest fic (https://archiveofourown.org/works/89381671):

Are all the stories in this collection connected/the same universe? Im loving them :)

i got butterflies in my stomach reading this rhhfbfb this was so sweet yet hot at the same time. love ur writing!!

Aren't these so sweet?

I also got my permit for driving again & scheduled the driving test (that's as far as I've ever gotten! I've always gotten too anxious to even schedule the test before.)

i also went to an art gallery this morning & saw some pieces from an artist I just adore. (https://www.lainejustice.com/) I'd love to buy one of her pieces, but they're all quite large. 

Also updated my neocities site: https://jennyfern.neocities.org/propagation ╰(*°▽°*)╯

diet pepsi + hepsi

well tomorrow i have an appointment at the DMV to apply for a divers license because even though i'm 32 i've never had my license. Only within the last year or so have i realized this is very likely due to dyspraxia and/or autism. I am not diagnosed, but it seems a likely reason.

I have had my permit like... idk like 10 times or something, so time to get one again! 

i also finished writing a hyunlix fic inspired by Diet Pepsi, the Addison Rae song: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89381671

i really enjoy this one <3 They're cuties. 

also ended up playing air hockey at a pizza place and eating personal pizzas at like 8pm

I think i enjoy writing very soft and quiet moments in my fanfics because that's where i find life is the most romantic. small everyday moments are where love is seen and felt. 

More German music recs:

Tribal Tattoo by pixxi (i'm absolutely obsessed)

hot girl summer by VICKY & snoid (i mean... the album art alone)

Kein Kokain by Drunken Masters & Ikkimel 

and HUGE FIND for the day 

this album by the Turkish girl group, Hepsi. Please listen to Hepsi 

THE STRONGEST 2000s vibes. (Hepsi 2 was released 2006)

train town + hungaroring

Today I went to a weird small amusement park called Train Town.

We got to ride a small train around the park and see a man-made water feature snake around a faux village. 

There were also sheep and goats.

i got a coffee there, danced within a metal statue that i was probably not supposed to go within, tried to do a pull up on perhaps 4 different occasions, and entertained some small children.

We went to lunch afterwards and i had a grilled cheese & garlic fries. i then committed to a bit and chugged half a beer that had been delivered mistakenly.

after fun + sun we went home and took a nice long nap before watching the Hungarian Grand Prix.

I really want to learn all the current F1 tracks (can name the track by seeing the layout) and i'd like to learn the turn names as well. I haven't made an effort to do this yet, but I did learn a couple of the turns for the Hungaroring, and that track has a pretty recognizable shape as well so all i have to do is commit it to memory.

My enjoyment of life continues and i think it is in no small part due to accepting myself more wholeheartedly.

while waiting for our coffees, we also ate some pickled jalapeños at this hot dog stand (that was also the coffee and ticket stand) and a man caught us. we had a nice interaction/laugh together.

Perhaps some more photos tomorrow since my husband is the keeper of the cute photos of me and he has not yet bequeathed them to me.

rings + happiness

i got a compliment from a pretty stranger about my hair today! before I say "thank you" to something like that, i have this flash of "omg what if she's just making fun of me" but it was genuine! 

had breakfast this morning & then went to the antiques store and got some jewelry (& some templates for electrical schematic drafting!) 

opal always makes me feel like I'm magical. sometimes wearing rings does make me feel a bit more fantastical. do you feel like that sometimes?

I genuinely had a lovely day and felt so loved and so happy with the life that i have. 

Here's a photo of the light filtering in the bedroom window this morning. I felt nothing but happiness in this moment. 

and i've also been working on another Addison (album) inspired Hyunlix fic. This one inspired by Diet Pepsi but that song is a little suggestive for my vibe (which is a lot more ambiguous relationship/complications of being idols/admiration for each other) so i've been approaching it in maybe an unexpected way.

ikkimel + same hair

i fell down a german music rabbithole today and i couldn't be happier about it.

it started with BIKINI GRELL

which, can i be so real, this look is... maybe everything i need in my life rn

KETA UND KRAWALL - are you kidding me. Just bury me, i could die at peace rn

anyway i think i love Ikkimel

Next up, UGG BOOTS. 

"unter meinem Belly einen astreinen Leberschaden" which translates to "under my belly, I have a textbook case of liver damage"

TITTENTRAINING by 6euroneunzig & Robbensohn which starts with "what about abs, legs, and butt? I'm working out my boobs" (in German)

LIFESAVER which starts with "Squirtin' in your face, up and down, from the left to the right" (in English) so you know that one goes fucking crazy

and the two songs that i would dj with if i could:

Baby Blizzard with Like a G6 (it clearly references the song, but i feel like it would be fun anyway)

GLITZER GLITZER with My Humps (again, i think this references this song) 

I think the ultimate lesson here is i'm now a fan of Ikkimel

also this moth was in my backyard. someone told me we have the same hair. 

accurate, because this was me at the NHRA drag races on Sunday

bug interstitials + voices

 

I don't have much to say, but I wanted to check out my new bug interstitials.

currently watching Nathan for You eating some pizza and hoping to take a nap soon. 

Listened to a lot of Prison Affair yesterday and Pisse.

My husband saw a clip of Holly Madison from Girls Next Door talking about Andersen's Split Pea Soup - a California staple if ever travelling Nor Cal to So Cal or So Cal to Nor Cal. Anyway, she's got a cute way of speaking.

I can really adopt the way certain people speak. when i was younger and i would catch a Kardashians marathon (anyone else feel that a good 1/4 of their childhood was either a Kardashians marathon or a Twilight Zone marathon? i was raised by the TV and it shows) i'd end up talking just like Kourtney by the end of the day. 

And sometimes i find myself talking like the House Hunters voice. 

gonna go take a nap now

attractiveness + nose ring

This might be a weird one, but i've been thinking a bit more about beauty and conventional beauty and my own face, basically.

I think i've been thinking about this because of how beautiful/handsome Hyunjin is even when he's just existing. The skz code in Busan, he wakes up in the morning and everyone is jaw-to-the-floor. And people on the street tell him how handsome he is.

I think seeing so many clips of Felix and Hyunjin made me understand a bit more about what it takes to be attractive (besides genetics). This might sound weird, but there are certain facial expressions and ways of just kind of existing that they seem to use. I guess all of this is to say, I think i could learn to be more attractive, especially since most of my college and working life i've been actively hiding some level of attractiveness because i'm a woman in a male-dominated field. 

Again, might sound really strange, but i'm coming to terms with the idea that i might have a level of conventional attractiveness. Or if not conventional, an attractiveness. I have a look, i am distinct, and i think it's a good look. 

I think i might've always been too autistic to know if i was pretty or not. I always thought i was a "butterface." I have some pretty deep wrinkles and textured skin, but I might be all right, ya know, and I never thought that. I don't have a ton of photos of myself, but i do make youtube videos once a week and select thumbnail images of myself. Here's one of those. 

And a cheeky little selfie when i was feeing myself, as a bug.

I have also had the idea of conventional attractiveness rattling around in my brain a bit after watching this video: https://youtu.be/z7JGqzljGkc?si=R4YSKQhDCK-1phzv from The Thought Spot. 

not sure what the point is, but i've been wanting to get my nose pierced and have been wearing faux hoop nose rings recently and that does make me feel prettier. idk, just a 32-year-old late-bloomer. (✿◠‿◠)

paddy the baddy + spongeslam

sometimes i just get recommended something and it shapes my whole day.

i got recommended some random video of Paddy the Baddy/Paddy Pimblett, a UFC fighter who's from Liverpool.

I only watched those videos for about 40 minutes in the morning but then at work I just wanted to keep hearing that scouse accent so I also listened to scouse rap all day. 

so i've now listened to EsDeeKid's entire discography lmao. i appreciate all the love for fashion. 

anyway, before then i was really listening to quite a lot of slam. & i now have a playlist called spongeslam (although i could've called it Jellyfish Slam) with two songs that feature Spongebob samples as their intros. rA9/Myth by Wormhole and Otaku meat grinding by Yanderechainsawregurgitationfactory

please let me know if you know any more but i understand this is a niche request.

dishes + mucus

it's been quite a while, hasn't it?

well, i've been sick with a cold for the last FOUR DAYS and even now i'm not recovered. Currently it's joint pain and having had a sleepless night due to aforementioned joint pain and also having to sleep sitting up because of mucus in the throat. 

I did learn this week that mucus is the noun and mucous is the adjective. I think i prefer the spelling mucous and kind of wished that it was the noun.

I was skimming through my recent subscribers on YouTube (which is perhaps a normal thing to do, I'm not sure) and saw that one of them also posts videos (which is always a welcome sight) and i actually got quite inspired by this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxQyg9lDy1s&t=13s

and it reminded me that i started this blog because of a video urging people to blog. so i have returned. 

i've been doing a lot and feeling a lot (although not this week. this week i've been doing sleeping and sneezing and feeling a lot of mucus) 

but before then i've done quite a lot of music work and fanfic work and generally having small moments of overwhelm. 

I went to a Chase Icon show (my last post was updating about seeing Cobrah - it's been so long!)

Over the weekend I went to an antiques store and bough a whole new set of dishes. They are hand painted with the cutest images. So we are getting rid of the old dishes we've had since we first started living on our own.

plenty more to say but this shall do for now