paddy the baddy + spongeslam

sometimes i just get recommended something and it shapes my whole day.

i got recommended some random video of Paddy the Baddy/Paddy Pimblett, a UFC fighter who's from Liverpool.

I only watched those videos for about 40 minutes in the morning but then at work I just wanted to keep hearing that scouse accent so I also listened to scouse rap all day. 

so i've now listened to EsDeeKid's entire discography lmao. i appreciate all the love for fashion. 

anyway, before then i was really listening to quite a lot of slam. & i now have a playlist called spongeslam (although i could've called it Jellyfish Slam) with two songs that feature Spongebob samples as their intros. rA9/Myth by Wormhole and Otaku meat grinding by Yanderechainsawregurgitationfactory

please let me know if you know any more but i understand this is a niche request.

AI + fanfic

I posted a very vulnerable video today and so far i am glad that I did.

I thought i should share transparently how I had been using AI (chat gpt) to help review my fanfics since there has been a lot of discourse about a method of detecting when folks pasted output from Claude into AO3. 

When i heard of this, I didn't think it was so bad. Like some folks are probably having Claude proofread and then pasting in. But a lot of folks were very discouraged, so i thought i would go through and shared my whole process. So over the weekend, I vlogged it and then today I posted it: https://youtu.be/paY4mNiNJs8?si=EOkMei8L4Sm0siHQ

Again, it was mostly for the transparency and the discussion. And i did get a discussion. 

I got two really lovely comments: 

I say this with all the love in my heart, this is not good for you. I used to do the exact same thing and it destroyed my writing style and my cognitive abilities, including ones other than writing. It actively made me stupider. Please, for the sake of your brain and your skills, find an online community or a friend rather than an AI. Even speaking to a stuffie/doll or talking aloud to yourself can help. It is an addictive cycle (brains like being lazy and this lets them be VERY lazy) and it was hard to get out of, but I have felt infinitely better not using AI compared to whatever effervescent, meager joys using it gave me. And this doesn't even BEGIN to touch on the environmental devastation AI use contributes to. Please do not continue doing this to yourself.

I watched the whole video but still don't understand why you have to use it. As a fellow fanfic writer, I don't have anyone in person to bounce my ideas off of, but I found groups on FB, Reddit, Discord, Tumblr, etc. to discuss stories with when I feel the need. And even then, before I had those groups, I didn't bounce my stories off anyone because the stories were just for me. You said you don't trust some of your story analysis, but you'll never develop that analytical skill by relying on AI. If anything, using AI will just stunt your ability to. I'm just an internet stranger, so just take what I say with a grain of salt, but have faith in your abilities and writing. I've been writing fanfic since I was 11 or so (32 now) and just started posting online the last year or so. But being unsure about your writing and making mistakes, taking a long time to mull over your ideas, etc are just all part of the process. Sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't. But they're human made top to bottom, and that's what gives them value despite the flaws. Happy writing, and hope you ditch AI. It's not worth the costs creatively and especially not environmentally

I really appreciated these comments so much, because honestly i have kind of been feeling the same way. Especially talking through the process, thinking about it, thinking about how it would be perceived, editing the vlog, and then knowing i would receive backlash when i posted it... it really made me consider my decisions much more heavily. 

So overall, i'm so glad i made the video and went through the process. 

I am still so happy with the fics i've written and honestly how much i've grown as a writer since starting writing fanfic, but I do believe i need to put this practice behind me and move forward with my own confident and more time consuming work (i.e. leave chat gpt behind).

I recently got a really little notebook so i could jot lyric ideas down and i think physical writing is likely in my future. remove myself from this beast entirely! I guess i just wanted to express my appreciation for these folks being compassionately blunt.

dishes + mucus

it's been quite a while, hasn't it?

well, i've been sick with a cold for the last FOUR DAYS and even now i'm not recovered. Currently it's joint pain and having had a sleepless night due to aforementioned joint pain and also having to sleep sitting up because of mucus in the throat. 

I did learn this week that mucus is the noun and mucous is the adjective. I think i prefer the spelling mucous and kind of wished that it was the noun.

I was skimming through my recent subscribers on YouTube (which is perhaps a normal thing to do, I'm not sure) and saw that one of them also posts videos (which is always a welcome sight) and i actually got quite inspired by this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxQyg9lDy1s&t=13s

and it reminded me that i started this blog because of a video urging people to blog. so i have returned. 

i've been doing a lot and feeling a lot (although not this week. this week i've been doing sleeping and sneezing and feeling a lot of mucus) 

but before then i've done quite a lot of music work and fanfic work and generally having small moments of overwhelm. 

I went to a Chase Icon show (my last post was updating about seeing Cobrah - it's been so long!)

Over the weekend I went to an antiques store and bough a whole new set of dishes. They are hand painted with the cutest images. So we are getting rid of the old dishes we've had since we first started living on our own.

plenty more to say but this shall do for now 

roses + screaming

i have a lot to share i guess.

not sure why i fell off here. sometimes reflecting about what i do/think can be a lot for me. so sometimes i just do and don't reflect. 

But some recent things.

i fell in love with this lizard in the garden

i saw Cobrah

spiders and roses

posing for photos

being small

more roses

i've posted a new bee and puppycat x apothecary diaries fanfic chapter: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78040246/chapters/220009956

and i've been working on a new song that required screaming. screaming was fun.

and I transcribed some moments of the Jan 2022 2kr with hyunjin and felix potentially for a fanfic

pink tops + manhua + photos

i kind of on a whim (but also i've been thinking about it for about a month) got tickets to see Cobrah this Thursday! 

yesterday i got a bunch of really cute pink tops and sweaters from the thrift store after going out for a nice breakfast. And then in the evening we went to the gym and i can feel that i'm getting stronger. 

I listened to an album, JUNK POP by pa-o-mu99999. it was so cool. it's finally broken me out of only listening to Haruomi Hosono and Yellow Magic Orchestra. 

I read a manhua (a chinese comic/manga) of Heaven Official's Blessing and i enjoyed it quite a lot. i still haven't read the first volume of the book series. 

and I posted a video today. https://youtu.be/RjKkagvDXfU?si=m9XJbxwxVT4W2WjU

Some more recent photos

& i have worked a bit more on my twin peaks x hyunlix fanfic but not as much as i thought i would've

photos recently + gym

I've been taking these weird photos recently 

Thought i would share them today since i forgot to on the days i took them 

Anyway, I went to the gym after work today. 

And that's about it. 

ms. molt + philharmony + habits

you know the whole thing about if you do something for 30 days it will be a habit and you won't have to think about it again or whatever. i literally could not relate to this ever. like brushing my teeth every day is a thing i must do consciously. And i feel like i only do things for 30 days because i'm really interested in doing them for that duration and if anything it gets harder after that. 

anway i got my first commissioned artwork for my music persona, ms. molt. SHE IS SO CUTE. 

like literally what the fuck i love her <3

i'm considering making a video about why i did this. and i have just started another commission for line art from a different artist. it'll be fun to see how different their creation is. 

still obsessed with the Philharmony album. i find it like extremely comforting (which is weird if you know how unsettling and experimental it is) but it's really almost the only thing i want to listen to right now

also feeling like just reading hyunlix fanfic recently, so i think for whatever reason my brain just wants the comfiest things it can have right now and nothing scary and new (but also like, sign me up for repeat listens of Birthday Party https://youtu.be/oBpStgVHw5Y?si=2UORjBmPs-7pz6U4. sure, not like this is fucking weird and uncomfortable.)